Courtesy of iSTZ

They’re gross, slimy, and stink like a mix of hot garbage and burnt pubes. No, it’s not Kim Kardashian’s bleached butt-hole (close though), it’s decaying zombie flesh. It doesn’t take a brain doctor to realize that these bastards are going to stink worse than a Meagan Fox movie.

The Dilemma:

After a long night of playing your favorite zombie game, drinking beers and shooting zombies, you wake up to find your front lawn now littered with about 40 corpses. (Disclaimer, DO NOT drink and play with guns).

The Solution:

The Sioux Indians believed in utilizing all of the buffalo after a hunt and we feel you should follow Sioux here (lol). Just instead of delicious steaks and leather by-products, you have to figure out what you can extract from a dead ZED.

First things first – check their pockets for loose change.

  • Side note: if you see any cute girl zombies, dead obviously, I always like to cop a quick feel. They’re dead so it’s OK. Some people might take offense to this but rest assured that if zombies DO rise up, then I’m pretty sure you CAN molest one or two without feeling guilty about it. They’re fucking zombies. You telling me if you saw these bad boys on the side of the road you wouldn’t play a little titty grab? Yeah, right.

After your pockets are filled with fresh swag, and you got your cheap feels, it’s time to stack the bodies. Remember, dead zombies are heavy so lift with your knees, and be sure to take lots of beer breaks, and make sure your lazy wife helps. We prefer to stack in a criss-cross formation, or arrange them in the shape of a penis. Feel free to use your imagination.

Now that you have a nice stinky stack of zombies you have 2 choices;

burn them or bury them.

Lets be honest, you aren’t harvesting organs or tanning hides, Hannibal. I suggest burning them because, a) digging is over rated, and 2) drinking around a big ass fire is awesome.

A word of caution though – a big fire is likely to attract more zombies, or bandits. So don’t get so drunk that you can’t shoot straight.

For Billy Walsh, beer actually improves his accuracy. Crazy bastard.

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